Lazy Saturday

It's a lazy Saturday Afternoon. That old lonely feeling sneaked up on me - jumped me when I wasn't looking. Now I'm looking for an angry fix - traversing rooftops in Prospect Heights, looking for a better view, while sitting in my living room; counting down the hours till the Yankees play (6 1/2), pondering the futility of existence.

There is laundry to be done, floors to be cleaned, and my brain could use a good washing. I feel a bit like Fiona Apple in the 'Criminal' video. Does that mean I feel like I'm wearing purple satin underwear? Maybe? Does it mean the dark spots under my eyes aren't going away anytime soon? Probably. Dark circles have taken up permanent residence under my eyes. They have an infinite lease. They're not leaving.

My head tells me to get up, go outside and enjoy the sunshine, but my body is not responding. My mechanism is worn from a night of walking the long lonely road from somewhere-ville to inbetween-land.

My eyes are black and I have left my body. Oy - what a cruel fate we're consigned to. Endless thinking and worry and wait. From outside my body, I recognize the folly of my choices. If only I could go back in time a decade. I would tell myself to go to sleep early... Then perhaps these dark circles would have never come.

And I think, perhaps I am not human. Perhaps I am not dynamite. Perhaps I am not a pair of ragged claws, scuttling across the floors of silent seas. Perhaps I am a corporeal representation of a cosmologically consistent perception of light.